\u201cYou\u2019re on mute.\u201d I didn\u2019t know a year ago how often I would repeat these three words, every time with a smile on my face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life\nas a Psychosexual and Relationship therapist has changed significantly in the\npast year. We all know why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
COVID\n19 has taken many casualties in its fury. People, businesses, relationships,\nand education to name a few. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
On March 23rd<\/sup> 2020 Boris Johnson told the country that people \u201cmust\u201d stay at home, and certain businesses must close. Within minutes of the announcement my work phone was vibrating consistently \u2013 clients panicking about their therapy sessions. Texting, needing reassurance that some form of \u2018normal\u2019 was going to continue for them.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n At that moment, in that minute, I\u2019d lost my sense of \u2018norm\u2019. I was scrabbling around with my own thoughts and the panic of \u201cOMG that\u2019s it, my business is over, how do I work remotely with ALL my clients\u2026?\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t even work Zoom properly, aggghhhh!\u201d and \u201cHow can I do therapy online; is this going to work with my client base?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n That was then. Now, reflecting back, I can clearly see the challenges this announcement brought for the world of therapy, and for me personally, especially how quickly my clients and I had to adapt to working together remotely. Yet within these challenges, these adaptions have brought many gifts into therapy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Before Covid, some couples couldn\u2019t attend therapy \u2013 often because of a lack of childcare, or one or both partners working too late. Working online means they can now attend, even though they may appear on screen exhausted, wrought and desperate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Suddenly many couples were forced together 24 hours a day without an outlet. No going to the gym, meeting friends, or working long hours in the office. The \u2018exits\u2019 that couples have created to get their needs met, and may well have been the cause of frustrations in the relationship, are no longer there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hendrix, Harville in \u2018Getting The Love You Want\u2019 (p112,2005) states: \u201cClosing an exit is not a specific event that occurs at a particular moment. It is a process that may take time, sometimes as much as several months. The reason for this is that the exit is trying to get a need met that has been frustrated in the relationship. Rather than criticizing one\u2019s partner, it is essential that one claim their own exits. To do this requires much soul searching and honesty and the courage to put into words the feelings that had been expressed as a behavior. Paradoxically, that begins to close the exit, because it restores connection.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n With the enforcement of a lockdown, couples had no option but to close their exits; it happened overnight with little notice or choice. Covid 19 had thrown them together, outing their attachments styles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHe\ndoesn\u2019t allow me space; he always wants to know where I am in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo I don\u2019t, he\u2019s so dramatic! I only want to know what he\u2019s doing. He\u2019s always trying to avoid me and we\u2019re not having sex.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The complaints and needs of the couple shout loud and clear through the computer screen. The wave of resentment vibrates around the therapy room. The work has been hard, trying to manage their expectations of me, and the therapy. For some, therapy became their exit \u2013 requesting \u2018military style\u2019 homework and extra sessions.\u00a0 But then, as things do, the panic calmed down \u2013 theirs and mine. Their irritation with the \u2018other\u2019 subsided, and they slowly started to work on being with an \u2018other\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, the challenge to deliver sessions online and be fully present left me exhausted at the end of the day, but this got easier with time. Relaxing into this new way of working allowed me to see the benefits (therapeutically) of working online. Being given a glimpse of my clients\u2019 worlds helps me understand their perspective and challenges. I am now \u2018in\u2019 my clients\u2019 homes, and with that brings the children,dogs, cats and snakes\u2026 but, most importantly for me, it brings hope, hope that they are not alone, and things can change.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n March\n2021<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n My client appears on the Zoom screen. His camera is facing the ceiling. The camera is facing the floor. A dog appears. A dog disappears.\u00a0 Eventually he connects to video then disconnects it…eventually he connects it again. The dog is back. Just the audio to go now…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n\nKeeley Mardon – Aurora Therapy Centre\n<\/br>\nLDPRT Alumni 2018\n<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hendrix, Harville. 2005 Getting The Love You Want. London: Simons & Schuster UK Ltd<\/p>\n\n\n\n The views and opinions expressed in these blog posts are held by the author(s) and are for general interest in the field. These blog entries do not attempt give advice to the reader, they are for educational and information purposes only.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cYou\u2019re on mute.\u201d I didn\u2019t know a year ago how often I would repeat these three words, every time with a smile on my face. Life as a Psychosexual and Relationship therapist has changed significantly in the past year. We all know why. COVID 19 has taken many casualties in its fury. 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\n\n\n\nBibliography<\/h6>\n\n\n\n